A Day In My Life January 2007 (Art School Project)

I woke up to thoughts that I didn't feel great and could have slept longer and that I probably should not have drank half a bottle of wine before bed, this is not unusual these days, what's unusual is when I don't wake up feeling one of those two way. My inability to figure out how to deal with this will intermittently anger and sadden me throughout the day. I will consider going to therapy.

The dog greets me from the couch with a happy wagging tail, I scratch her head and she smiles and I love her for this even though she will later seem uninterested in peeing, a tactical mistake on a freezing cold morning.

In the bathroom, I read about something I will quickly forget in the NY Times Magazine, it might have involved that senator from Virginia. Online, I skim the morning tabloids and peek at the times, nothing interesting at brooklynian, tomato emailed me in response to my suggesting we get drunk and while she's game, I no longer am. I read something I will quickly forget on slate.com, I remember to check out fbofw.com, something I feel a little guilty about enjoying. The dog and I watch part of a bad bad episode of star trek, the dog does not mind. I feed her 6 ounces of kibble and head to the shower.

Outside, while walking the dog a man roller blades by me very very fast on ice slick streets and another man thinks he's crazy, I nod my head and say "That's For Sure!" We stop at Connecticut Muffin for a large coffee and a cheese danish and I think for the eightieth time I really need to replace that carafe that broke last week. At home I scramble some egg whites to go with my danish and settle down for a hodge podge hour or two of email, telephone, and the occasional game of online scrabble played at the speedy pace of 10 or less minutes per game, the mouse on my backup computer is really not up to the task.

I head out again, this time for the subway en route to clients who depend on me to keep them on the technological rails. The dog is not happy to see me go, but I have headphones on so if she whines I can't hear her and I am glad for this. I bundle up and even though it is not deathly cold, I don my gator which allows me to walk the streets and feel warm. I think about spending a few days in Florida this weekend, and this may be a very good idea I will revisit tonight or tomorrow. I stop and buy a gatorade I will nurse all afternoon and descend into the subway.

On the train I read the science section from last week; it includes stories about hospice, how sperm swim, and how to use forced migration to benefit species facing extinction and later on the way home later when I finish this, I wonder why I read science so religiously. At 23rd street I get off the train and check voice mail and I realize 6 hours later that I have forgotten to return the message.

I reorganize a long neglected email system increasing productivity for a small literary concern. I like the people I'm working for a lot and they ask smart questions and do what I suggest which makes them so so so much better than some clients. When I'm finished a few hours later, I have a cobb salad at Cosi. I think about how salad is no longer considered all that healthy and think about going to McDonald's instead. The girl behind me at the Cosi talks too loudly. On the way home, I restart a book about a family of circus geeks that I started a few months ago and then got sidetracked from.

Back in Brooklyn, I lift weight, I stretch muscles, and I steam and when I steam I think of Kevin Spacey in American Beauty thinking "This is the best part of my day." I love the schvitz. I talk to EY briefly about our possible trip next week. As I leave the gym I bump into someone who I used to see at the hash and we may get a drink sometime. I'm not really so sure I want to go out and get a drink ever again but I am sure that this is not really true.

I head to the tea lounge where I write these words and fail to resist the urge to edit too much as I go along. There is a girl sitting next to me for the last hour and she looks vaguely familiar but we don't do anything besides exchange a smile here and there and I watch her laptop for her when she gets up for a minute. Eventually because I want to tune out the sweet and tender hooligans sitting nearby, I'll put on my headphones and listen to the only music I have on the ibook, Morriseys first and best solo work Viva Hate.

On my way home tonight, I will buy asparagus for dinner and blueberries for breakfast. I will get home and the dog will be so happy to see me that she will practically insinuate herself into me. I will call an old friend I have neglected, K2, and I will drink a half a bottle of wine, and if I'm lucky someone will read me a story before I fall asleep.

This Song Is Not A Rebel Song

So...

I'm sort of over Park Slope, and by extension, maybe Brooklyn. It remains to be seen whether this is a passing disinterest or the real thing, but at the moment I'm just not feeling it. I don't believe in this place anymore.

Before I go any further, if you don't know, there are many many things I love about this neighborhood. You'll have to take my word for it. Assume that my natural predilection for negativity has at long last won out, though it may just be temporary.

It's the provincialism that's sort of worn me out. Brooklynites constantly pat the borough (and themselves) on the back, a behavior which our Borough President has mastered to the point of obsessive compulsion. It isn't completely new, it was started by my parent's generation, a group that fled to the suburbs, maudlin for the stoops, spaldeens, and sports teams of their childhood. Maybe this is what we receive in return for cursing Walter O'Malley who took the Dodgers to California.

I think until then, Brooklyn never felt the need to pat itself on the back. Those were some big hits Brooklyn took in the 50's and 60's though. It was tough after that, the Brooklyn of Vinnie Barbarino. Still, Brooklyn came back.

Of course, the Brooklyn that everyone loves doesn't exist without Manhattan, and this is where the provincialism gets ridiculous; most of it is done at the expense of Manhattan, the center of the universe. This is patently ridiculous, it's like stabbing yourself in the heart.

There are some great neighborhoods in Brooklyn, but part of what makes them great is that they are in a sense bedroom communities. They are retreats from the turmoil of Manhattan. Park Slope is one of these and a very nice one at that. In fact, it would be a very nice place anywhere, but it is what it is, and it's a bedroom community.

It's not just the provincialism though, it's the entitlement and the way that everyone believes they are always right and always the center of the universe. This needs no great explanation. It's just annoying.

So.
(sorry this is kind of disjointed)

Haven't Had A Dream

Some days I'm not sure what I'm doing exactly. I didn't do much today. I got stood up by a client. I did some reading about css and cms, wrote emails. If you spent the day in the office, I realize this doesn't seem so bad, but I have too many days like that. I feel pathologically lazy sometimes and there are so many things I want to do.

I need to start a new business because, well because I want more money to be honest, but also because what I do is largely uninteresting to me. I don't hate it, but well I want to do more.

I need to volunteer more. There are all these people that have so much less going for them than me, and I want to spend more time with them. I would have really liked to have done something with the developmentally disabled for a living, but it didn't work out like that. So, I need to volunteer. I used to, but I get distracted easily.

I need to cook more. I'm going to make a nice corn chowder tomorrow or Sunday, whenever I have the time.

My friend loaned me a guitar because I've been without one for a while. I need to get past bar chords this time round.

I need to read more, write more, learn more. I don't seem to ever have the time for this. I feel stunted intellectually these days. I know someone who I think stopped learning and I think this has contributed to his decline. This scares the living fuck out of me.

Damn, I'm in a mood today, ugh. Sorry I have nothing more interesting to write.

Link To My Secret Blog About You

http://www.quickbyte.net/thisonesboutyou

Menopause

They actually have a term for male menopause, andropause; if I remember correctly it refers to the decrease of testosterone that apparently begins about 20 minutes after you figure out how to meet women on a regular basis. These are the kinds of things you learn when you google medical terms, something I do about every two or three months. I do this because I have an undiagnosed condition that when I describe it, invariably brings about the response, “ It sounds like you have menopause.”

This reaction doesn’t bother me as much as it sounds like, I’m just trying to beat you to the punch. It is pretty unlikely I have either menopause or andropause, though I sometimes wish I did, because not knowing is incredibly annoying. Incredibly annoying actually describes the totality of my symptoms such as they are.

Basically, every few months I seem to lose control of my ability to regulate temperature. I get hot and cold, I sweat profusely, I feel like I have a fever, I am tremendously fatigued. This is usually brought on by some sort of cold or whatever, and I generally can’t tell where the real bug begins and whatever the hell is wrong with me ends. Basically my metabolism and immune system go completely out of wack and I feel like useless shit. This goes on for several weeks in varying degrees and then slowly disappears. It has been going on every few months for over 2 years, though it used to happen to a lesser extent whenever I got a cold for at least a few years beforehand.

Other than menopause, popular diagnoses include Epstein-barr and chronic fatigue, neither of which really make sense. I have baffled 2 PCPs and an endocrinologist. I plan on seeing a new PCP and maybe an infectious disease guy next week.

I only mention all this because it is keeping me from doing the things I want to do and slowly driving me crazy.

On the plus side, I’ve lost 5 pounds in the last week or so.

Jumping Someone Else's Train

I really like trains, they’re the one form of transportation that I can really relax and enjoy. Plane’s are an abomination, cars are insane, and buses take the one aspect that makes cars enjoyable, the fact that it’s you and the robe, and dispose of that for something far far worse. Trains though, we get it right there more often than not.

Amtrak, 5pm. I’m heading north to Boston, on an uncrowded commuter train. My only real complaint is the lack of wireless, but I’m not surprised by that. If you take this train often enough you know how to bring your own access, but it’s still disappointing. The ticket was pretty expensive too, $96. I could have flown for less on JetBlue or taking the FungWah bus for $15. I’m told it’s $15., but I can’t imagine how it can be that cheap. Those busses must get damn good gas mileage.

The train is alright though.

I think I’d like to take the train out to EXY’s wedding in Oregon this summer making stops along the way. EXY talked about this too, about doing this with a group of people. It’s kind of cool that we are so much on the same page on some things.

Here’s the funny thing about this trip. I’m going to Boston to see someone I barely know. Someone I spent a few hours with on New Year’s morning, and that I thought maybe I would see once again at the wedding, or maybe at another party in the interim.

It’s really kind of crazy, but it’s worth it one way or the other. The weekend might be fantastic, it might be a complete disaster. It doesn’t really matter because it’s interesting. You spend so many weekend doing the same thing you did the weekend before. It’s a familiar ramble, you go to the same pubs, meet up with the same friends. You go to a party because it’s a party and you know, something might happen!

(This makes me think, exactly what are those lyrics in “How Soon Is Now” but I don’t have a copy on my laptop and as mentioned, I’m not connected to the global whosis…)

So, I went to a party and something happened and here I am on a train to Boston banging on my keyboard about it. Sure, more interesting things have happened, but they don’t every weekend.

I Saw The News Today Oh Boy

"I'm looking for someone to spend lazy Sunday mornings in bed drinking coffee, reading the NY Times, and (of course) snuggling." --- This is a sentiment that I read again and again on JDate, not as often as "Don't bother me on Sunday, I'm watching football!", but often enough. Interestingly enough I never read either of these statements on nerve.com, the only other online dating site I ever frequented. You can draw your own conclusions as to exactly what that indicates about the women on these paragons of online dating.

Anyway, women that wrote the latter statement were automatically dismissed from consideration, but I always thought I would like to spend more mornings in bed with someone reading the NY Times. The more I think about it though, the more I realize it would prove incredibly disruptive for me, as like most readers of the Sunday paper I have developed my own little routine for how I go about this otherwise mundane task and I shudder to think at would happen if someone else were sharing my copy.

The first and most important task is chucking a whole chunk of the paper in the gah-bage. I particularly relish throwing out the automotive section as I have never ever been the slightest bit interested in it. I'm sure that anyone in bed with me would agree with this decision, but , most of the ads go with it, real estate too, unless there's a good cover story on a neighborhood I'm interested in. Most women I know would probably want to spend more time with those ads, even those of you who claim to not like shopping. So, now I have all these Goddamn ads getting spread out in the sheets and this is not the morning I had planned on.

From there I hit the sports section, which I consider a warmup for my favorite sections of the paper and this is where I think things would really get out of control. After sports, I go for the "City" section and "Week In Review". These are two of the most popular sections and I've seen people clutch these very carefully when sharing the Sunday Times. This kind of shit is a recipe for relationship disaster.

I could go on, but I don't think I can stand to think abotu what would happen if the "Book Review" or "The Magazine" were fought over. No, I think I'm gonna look up one of those girls who likes to watch football on Sunday. Most likely, a girl like that has little interest in the Sunday Times. With her glued to the tube, there will be more room in bed anyway.

Suffer Little Children

I spent the day surrounded by dozens of excitable children, something I have never done before, at least not since I was an exciteable child. I wish I could say that I really like children but the best I can do is say I really like children sometimes. I guess most men feel that way.

Anyway, an hour ago while I was walking down 7th Avenue, a guy wished someone a happy new year and than as he and his daughter had walked away he turned and asked her, "When is it too late to say happy new year?" and they continued from there talking about how long after various holidays you could wish a person a happy holiday. It was so cute, I could die.

I realize this is a little trite, but it's these kind of quiet moments on the sidewalk that make me glad to live in New York City. Usually, we focus on the louder ones, but at the end of the day, these keep me that much closer to being a nice sane good person.

I Have A Cold

I have a very annoying cold. I fought it off last week, but it kept coming back and now it seems to have taken up permanent residency in my sinuses. This is not making me happy.

Damn You Rubik!

Someone gave me a Rubik's cube a few days ago in an apparent attempt to drive me insane. I have no hope of ever solving the thing, it's actually a little harder than a regular one because it has NFL pictures on it. I'm going to throw it off a bridge I swear to God.

So This Is The New Year

I met a girl last night, and if you're her don't worry I'm not going to tell them anything about you, well nothing too personal anyway. Weird thing about the internet, people go online and say things about the people they know. To be honest, I just never saw that coming.

Anyway, this girl I met told me that she loves Valentines day (ostensibly because of the heart shaped food), something I don't think I've ever heard anyone under 50 declare. Valentines Day is of course, a Hallmark holiday, manufactured by the makers of greeting cards, chocolates, and legions of Mexican flower vendors. It's kind of brilliant, because if you're involved with someone, you basically have no choice but to do something that day. Even if it's an ironic gesture, you're still taking it up the ass from the man, all in the name of love, or sex, or the hope of one or the other. We should really be ashamed of ourselves for falling victim to this kind of programming. Yet we do, and so it goes.

I want you to know that I truly believe what I just wrote, and I think that
I will never really change my mind. That said, if the right girl tells me she loves valentines day, you can bet your ass I'll go all out. It's all about the girl, and this is something we would all be better off remembering.

Moving on...

I do like New Years. I like a good party just fine, and last night was certainly one of them, but the thing I really like about New Years is the whole concept of the new year. I'm a big believer in the fresh start of the year, though I think September, when the school year starts, seems more appropriate. I like the resolutions too, and seeing as I'm losing steam here, and basically ready to pass out, here are mine for 2007.

1. Read and write more. In particular blog something here or in the techblog every single day.
2. Only do things that I really want to do, only spend time with people that I really want to spend time with. I have this bad habit of accepting less than I really want in life. No more.
3. Less Drama
4. Eat less and better.
5. Develop more core strength. I mean physically, but hey, what the hell emotionally, psychologically whatever. Core strength is god strength!

techblog tomorrow