I Saw The News Today Oh Boy

"I'm looking for someone to spend lazy Sunday mornings in bed drinking coffee, reading the NY Times, and (of course) snuggling." --- This is a sentiment that I read again and again on JDate, not as often as "Don't bother me on Sunday, I'm watching football!", but often enough. Interestingly enough I never read either of these statements on nerve.com, the only other online dating site I ever frequented. You can draw your own conclusions as to exactly what that indicates about the women on these paragons of online dating.

Anyway, women that wrote the latter statement were automatically dismissed from consideration, but I always thought I would like to spend more mornings in bed with someone reading the NY Times. The more I think about it though, the more I realize it would prove incredibly disruptive for me, as like most readers of the Sunday paper I have developed my own little routine for how I go about this otherwise mundane task and I shudder to think at would happen if someone else were sharing my copy.

The first and most important task is chucking a whole chunk of the paper in the gah-bage. I particularly relish throwing out the automotive section as I have never ever been the slightest bit interested in it. I'm sure that anyone in bed with me would agree with this decision, but , most of the ads go with it, real estate too, unless there's a good cover story on a neighborhood I'm interested in. Most women I know would probably want to spend more time with those ads, even those of you who claim to not like shopping. So, now I have all these Goddamn ads getting spread out in the sheets and this is not the morning I had planned on.

From there I hit the sports section, which I consider a warmup for my favorite sections of the paper and this is where I think things would really get out of control. After sports, I go for the "City" section and "Week In Review". These are two of the most popular sections and I've seen people clutch these very carefully when sharing the Sunday Times. This kind of shit is a recipe for relationship disaster.

I could go on, but I don't think I can stand to think abotu what would happen if the "Book Review" or "The Magazine" were fought over. No, I think I'm gonna look up one of those girls who likes to watch football on Sunday. Most likely, a girl like that has little interest in the Sunday Times. With her glued to the tube, there will be more room in bed anyway.