fuck me

In the end, it wasn't anything I expected that did me in. It was my right knee which started bothering me maybe about 8 miles in and by about the 14th mile became a source of intermittent hobbling white hot pain I had never experienced before. I was done about 5 miles later.

I probably could have walked or run/walked the last 7 but I had already been doing that for a while and the upside there was and still is lost on me. Finish what you start, sure, but I know too many people that have had knee surgery, so I let it go and began a long slow walk to my friends at Mile 23 and then to get my bag. EY and EX were gracious enough to join me and to even take care of me when my hamstring decided to spasm to the point that I was nauseous a couple hours later.

Ah, running can be so much fun.

A couple of sidebars:

Immediately after bagging it and starting west towards the park, I passed a couple of janitorial workers, one of whom said "You Quit, huh?" I think I should have killed her. Instead I will always think of her as too stupid too realize how stupid she is.

After picking up my bag from the finishing area (which I more or less had to break into) I exited to rejoin the E's and the Park Ranger guarding the exit said, "Congratulations". It really was all I could do to smile. She must have said that to hundreds of people and I hope nothing but good happens to her.

Anyhow, it's about 12 hours later now. I don't regret pulling out of the race and I'm not mad at myself and this is good. I had a lot go wrong today, and for that matter the last few months of training. I still think it was the right decision. I'm not even particularly upset that I didn't finish. Primarily, I'm not looking forward to explaining it a couple dozen more times over the next few days, but that's how things go sometimes.

What drives me crazy though is the knowledge that I still have to run one of these well. So, I know at the very least, I'll be doing a marathon next year. However, I can't help but think about Palm Beach in early December. This despite everything about me saying, that's enough for now, focus on other things, you can do it next year. This despite the fact that I am so sick and tired of thinking about the marathon and the fact that it has sucked any pleasure out of running for me. I've got a marathon sized chip on my shoulder.