Fracking Marathon Training

I want to tell you how I feel about running.

I don’t think I really like running very much. I definitely don’t need or like it as much as I need or like sex or food, two things that people who write about running often say they need or like running as much as.

I want to be clear, there is no way I will ever need or want to run as much as I need or want food and sex.

I run because I have no choice. If I don’t I’m going to get fat because I love to eat. If I get fat…well you can probably figure out where I’m going with that.

I run because if I don’t I will go to jail and I will most likely die. This will happen because without regular exercise I will surely kill someone. If you’re at all worried that this might be you, you shouldn’t be, I would have already told you to fuck off and you most likely will have. As for society at large, the good thing is I already know this, so you too are safe.

I run because I am competitive, not only with others but with myself. I want to beat you in a race and I want to beat me too, the me who ran the race last time.

I run because I love to race, but I had to start running to know this.

And I write this because lately I really hate running, as I am repeatedly getting my ass kicked as I try to prepare for a race I don’t even really want to run. My long runs are just awful tests of my ability to endure painful tedium for hours at a time during, and tedious pain for days afterward. Forget about speed workouts, and for that matter most of other interim runs, I can’t seem to be pain free enough to get through them. I never feel 100% and that wears me down.

And I keep going out there because I want to beat me which is the stupidest thing in the world because it doesn’t even matter. I don’t even like the marathon as a race that much. The really frustrating thing is I don’t expect to come into this race feeling that great, not nearly as good as I felt when I sprained my ankle last year. I’m just not there, and I haven’t been. There’s still time, but I’m not counting on it.

So, I will in all likelihood be kicking my ass through this again next year.

For a month after the marathon, maybe two, I’m not doing any running. It’s a good thing for society at large that I have that gym membership.