Big Race Coming

I could feel it on Wednesday as I walked to the start of the hash, the group of fellow maldjusts I run with once or twice a week. There’s a feeling you get when your gearing up for a race, when you’re looking forward to doing your thing, and I’m looking forward to the Grete’s half marathon very much.

For one thing, last years Grete’s was the race where I holy shitted myself, coming in nearly 15 minutes faster than I had in my first half a month earlier. I had been looking to slice my time down to 1:50 and realized very early on that I was doing something very special, something I didn’t know I could do. I honestly thought I’d never run like that again. A few months later II took another minute or so off that PR, knocking it down in successive weeks to 1:43:09. A few weeks before that I ran 10 miles in 76 minutes which paces at just 7:35 a mile. I have never run so long so fast as I did in those few weeks.

It’s pretty much been all downhill from there. I ran that 2nd PR on 6 days rest with my first shin splints and some other touchy spots in my legs. I had other injuries and I was sick here and there with this damn metabolic thing that never quite goes away. I got a little distracted when I got involved with someone, and even more sistracted when she told me to piss off. I drank some, I smoked some. I didn’t race at all. Yet, I started training seriously, it says in my Outlook running notes on 7/28. Not bad, at this point I would have liked to have felt the way I did in March when I ran those 3 great races, but that’s not the story this time, is it?

There is no doubt that I’ve run more long runs at this point this year than I did last, so by one barometer I should be stronger than I was then,but the truth is I haven’t felt it yet. I had a DNF in the NY Half Marathon; that was charming, and while I ran a great timed 18 miler, I did it at a nearly 45 seconds per mile slower than my half pace, and that half pace would have been my goal had it not been for the horrible half mary. I haven’t really been tested since then, but my ankle/achilles has been near constant well, achilles heel. I have felt fast on several occasions though and that bodes well.

And that feeling I told you about? That’s every cell in my body getting ready to kick some ass on Sunday morning, that’s every cell in my body honing in on the clock and the goal, the goal which seems unrealistic from here, of running that half in 1:43:08,or better yet something like 1:42:xx. I want that time so bad I can feel it, every advil I take, every mile I run, I want that goal.

And then a month from now at NY ‘06, I wanna do it again, and again.

And then I’m having a beer.

Friday Night Live

One of the great side benefits of training for the marathon, is it forgives a lot of the pressure you might feel to have big plans for the weekend. Try going out for a night of drinking (or smoking!) the day before you do a long run, 15-20 miles. Doing that run barefoot over fiery coals is nearly as pleasant. If hangover and it’s good friend dehydration don’t kill you, that feeling in your chest will. I tried this out last week for this little 4 mile race I needed to do, though not well, and the results were hilarious. Anyway, tomorrow being a 20 miler, well a hash 20 miler, I’m in tonight, and lovin it.

Tonight’s a bit of an extreme though. I might not have spent my friday doing laundry and emptying the sink if I weren’t feeling under the weather. Rather than prepping for an exciting round of blogging I could have been out. I had things going on. No, I did. I was looking forward to going out with this girl I met last week, but it’s probably a good thing I cancelled my plans with her since she told me my ditching on her was the highlight of her day.

Nice, huh?

Most of these marathon training fridays find me out for dinner and a movie, but in bed by 11 or 12. It works. I’ve got some great people to train with too, so we make up for it on the run. It’s really something else when most of your marathon training is oriented to where you’re going to drink afterwards. On the other hand, believe me the bloody mary was made for brunch after a brisk 18 miler. That’s a drink you’ve earned.

You’ll have to excuse me now, I’ve got to put some whites in the dryer

This Is What The Devil Does

There is a lot of bad going through my world right now. The stroke victim below is the most obvious, but I’ve also got a friend who has some real problems that are disrupting his life. He really needs to get some help or one day he may end up in a bad place. This is one of my closest friends in the world but I’m not sure how to help him, other than the being honest about what I think, which I am.

Anyway, I’m pissy about all of this right now becuase it is so easy to look at a situation and say "You need to help yourself", something that is not that easy to do it seems. I’ve been tryng to quit smoking for a decade and that only seems to be getting harder, so there’s one of mine.

3 Strokes And You're Out

I’ve had this client for about 5 years.. He’s not a friend, just a client, though a good one. Unfortunately, the guy is a total mess, and he’s been getting worse year by year. I can’t tell you why he let things get to this point. I doubt he knows himself. I think the polite way of saying it is that he’s one of those people you get the feeling has never really thought too much about himself. I’m not so sure I get that about people. I have a pretty healthy respect for introspection. Best I could tell, he has no life, but then I’m a pretty judgemental bastard.

Anyhow, a few years ago, this guy had a stroke and then a year later, another. The first one didn’t seem that bad, but the 2nd one left some real damage though you’ll have to go elsewhere for a full neurological workup. After each, he kept on smoking, he kept on drinking coffee, he kept on eating poorly. He kept on doing the things that will kill you if you are in his situation. From where I’m standing, he couldn’t help himself and he felt like he didn’t have too much to live for, and that probably always leads to self destruction.

After both strokes I helped this guy out. I let his ungrateful incontinent mother stay in my apartment to be near the hospital. I did hours of work that I didn’t ask to be reimbursed for. I went to the hospital. I said the right things. I saw tears. I honestly didn’t need any of it, but I did it because I thought it was the right thing to do. My parents somehow managed to push that idea through.

After the 2nd stroke when I could see that he wasn’t really recovering and he wasn’t really changing, I told him, I wouldn’t get involved again. I didn’t want anything to do with it when the next one came.I told him a thousand times not to smoke, I told him to get out of his horrible little stockroom at the back of his shop. I told him to do something, to paraphrase, do anything. I told him, that when the next one happened, I wasn’t getting the least bit involved.
And of course, the next one came. Last week. He’s in a coma, the doctor’s say pray. I hope he gets better, I really do, though I’m not really sure what the point is.

And I hate myself for thinking like this, I really do. I would do anything I could for the people that I care about most, but I don’t know what the right thing is here. This was something that was no doubt coming. At best, he was powerless to prevent it. At worst, he fucking wanted this on a consicious level.

I’m not planning on going to the hospital, even though I walk past it every day. I’m not really planning on anything. I said I wouldn’t get involved, and right now I’m sticking with that. What do yo think?

Title provide by SpindleGirl

Welcome To My Blog Take 2

It’s true, I’m not getting nearly enough attention. I come home and the dog doesn’t even greet me proper anymore, she just lifts her head off the couch and kind of raises her eyebrows at me. Afterwards, she just walks out of the room. I think I’m going to stop feeding her soon, that’ll teach her a lesson.

The good news is that I’m not the only one coming to the internet for attention. I think that’s good. Maybe. It’s hard to say. There are millions of similarly attention starved people out there on this internet in any case and we all have one thing in common. We read each others blogs. If you’re one of those people, you know full well that there are other blogs you can read if this one bores you. If you’re someone else, you’ll figure something out. Either way, keep coming if you like and I’ll try to make it interesting.